As I sit here in my hotel room in Burbank, contemplating what has happened, I am filled with
overwhelming sadness. As an Altadena resident but also as a librarian, I am familiar with loss, with burning books, and with rebuilding community.

Early Wednesday morning on January 7, we got the text to evacuate. It still seemed surreal that the fire would come down towards the neighborhoods. I remember saying to my husband, "It’s like thousands of houses before it gets to us. Relax, baby; it won’t happen."

So, as I looked around for what to take, I imagined a fun two day stay at a hotel and then back home. We’d laugh as we cleaned out the gross fridge and inspected wind damage to the trees.

I grabbed my passport, put on my favorite jewelry, and packed a suitcase with three days worth of clothes. We wrestled our cats into their carriers and went into the fire-filled skies.

The next day? (We were up all night, so this part is a blur). We were starting to see videos of streets and whole blocks just gone, vaporized. Was our house among those? How could it still be there? We got in a group text with our immediate neighbors, and they started sharing footage of our street. It was confirmed: our houses were gone. We broke down in sobs. I joined the long line of friends and neighbors posting our misery on social media.

But the next day (night?), we were getting word that our house and four of our neighbors' houses were miraculously still standing! How could this be possible?

The guilt of this has been overwhelming. We have talked to other lone house survivors, and they are all in the same boat of grief and loss and confusion. We will most likely not be able to live in our house for a year. Longer? No one knows. The air is toxic, the water is poison, and no services are left: no power, no gas, no anything.

So even with this good fortune, we have lost so much: our neighborhood, our sense of community, everything but a lovely parting gift of a structure filled with smoke-damaged memories.

I have experienced some small moments of joy in all this: talking with community members while picking up mail (our post office burned down), seeing the outpouring of support from the entire city and county of Los Angeles, realizing our favorite ice cream shop made it through, and the fact that the Altadena Public Library has survived the fire, as has their Bob Lucas Branch Library, which was under reconstruction.

There have been a number of us LA Public librarians who have lost their homes or have been displaced, and many others affected directly or indirectly, as well as the shocking loss of the Palisades Branch in the fire as well. Sadness multiplied.

So, what can I do as a librarian? How can I help when so many are hurting? I turn to my Library for camaraderie and community.

The Library is offering support by visiting relief centers and shelters, distributing masks, etc. Please check out our Emergency Information and Resources page as well for the latest information and up-to-date news on the fires and community resources.

We will get through this together! Altadena strong! Library strong!